Betty Jenell O'Mara Van Poollen Boorigie
Update June 9, 2006: When I remodeled the front page of my site, I noticed that the images on this page were missing. I cannot find them in my Tripod files. It will take me awhile to redo some images.
Update, September 11, 2002. Today I uploaded a picture of Jenell. I have been to her tree more than once since I made this page. I may rewrite some of this at a later date, but for now, I'll just leave here what I originally wrote.
My cousin, Jenell, is a victim of domestic violence. She tried to keep her problems to herself and put a sunny face on for most of the rest of the world. She was finishing her Bachelor's degree at Bartlesville Wesleyan, when her life on this earth was violently and abruptly ended. Her graduation class wanted to remember her. This tree and plaque are in honor of her memory.
Twice I've been up to see Jenell's tree. The second time was after the Spring leaves had come. There had been a storm earlier that morning, and there was a small branch lying under her tree. I felt like somehow God had given me these leaves for a remembrance. I didn't think about getting laminating materials, but had some wide clear tape and "laminated" the leaves, sending three of them to our Grandma, and keeping two for myself.
I think it is very appropriate that the leaves are heart shaped. Jenell and I didn't get to spend much time together, but everytime I talked with her, she always tried to get me to talk about myself, to appreciate myself. I remember one time she sent me a package that had Play-Do and other "kids" clays and told me to have fun with them. We sent stickers and things back and forth.
Jenell was busy studying and managed to keep her daughter at the college's preschool so they could have time together. She never once gave me a clue that she was in trouble. However, that is more than just her "being a saint", that is the way it has been too many times on my Mom's (and her Mom's) side of the family, women don't talk about the bad stuff, we are supposed to put on pretty smiles and pretend everything is ok. Jenell told me once that there were just things she couldn't ever tell family members, because of the ways our family has of dealing with, or not dealing with, issues.
The first time that I went to visit Jenell's tree, it was late winter, the leaves weren't budding yet. As I was leaving, I felt something, turned back around, and snapped this photo. I know that this is probably "just" the sun filtering through, but it's interesting that it's the picture where I "felt something". Jenell's tree is the small twiggy looking one on the right side of the photo.
If you are a woman (or a man) of any age, facing violence, please find someone you can talk to about things. Remember that in most cases, you are not the real reason for the person's violence. Don't let your compassion and your hope, your sense of family loyalty, keep you from seeking help.
It is my opinion that in keeping silence, we not only harm ourselves, and if their are children involved, bring them in harm's way, but we also don't help the violent persons to face the fact that they have a problem and need help. Silence, and especially family secrets, hurt everyone. Silence isn't loyalty, it is deadly.
I hope to find some links about domestic violence to put on this page.
Here is one place to start at IVillage, a website for women (not all victims of domestic violence are female, but this is a starting point) Domestic Abuse Resource Center at IVillage. (I'm not sure if you have to be a member to access this.)
If you know of any good sites on domestic violence/abuse, please pass them on to me. My e-mail addy is on the home page.
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